"Sex Addiction", "Compulsive behaviour" in the digital age
- giselledanleme320
- Mar 23, 2022
- 5 min read
“Addiction really means doing something I know is harmful and I want to stop it”.
Sex addiction (SA) means many things to different people. It could mean that they are having intercourse with many sexual partners regularly, to some it means having a high sex drive, and to others there’s no such thing as being addicted to sex. The stigmatisation of this addiction has led to many controversies on how one becomes dependant on sex.
The NHS webpage states, “experts disagree about whether its possible to become addicted to sex” This is because addiction is mostly associated drugs, alcohol, gambling, and nicotine. Due to this, there are no official statics on Sex Addiction in the UK. However, the NHS officially defines addiction as “Not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you”. This could be applied to SA as it has been proved to be harmful to those who suffer from it and could potentially cause danger to others in their lives.
Pornography, Masturbation and Loneliness
According to sex therapist Natasha Anderson, the correct term to use instead of sex addiction is “compulsive sexual behaviour” because having frequent sex is more to do with fulfilling an “urge” that stems from factors such as stress, anxiety, and relationship issues rather than it being a dependency or a need. The sex and relationship therapist stated during an interview that “I’ve had people come into clinic claiming they have sex addiction when they are only masturbating and watching porn a few times a week, but it’s not an addiction, their body has just gotten reliant on the feelings that emerge from masturbation or sex”. Anderson says the lockdowns caused by COVID-19 had many people concerned about the amount of time they spent masturbating daily and how that may lead them to become addicts. “People weren’t in relationships, they weren’t seeing their friends, they were in their homes by themselves with worries and stress which led them to watching more porn and masturbating because that’s they felt they could do. This Doesn’t mean they have an addiction”. Anderson compared the urge people have scrolling “endlessly” on social media with the urge to masturbate daily as she claims the needs are similar. Both these urges stem from boredom, anxiety, and a means to pass by time. Whilst watching porn and masturbating out of loneliness may not be alarming, the internet has no limitation to the amount of pornography websites there are, so when people start viewing porn that’s considered dark and disturbing this could result in serious psychological issues causing harm both physically and mentally. This is what Anderson refers to as compulsive sexual behaviour as she explains that people’s sexual behaviours are rooted from past traumas. “I like to normalise what is normal but if the activity is inappropriate like exposing themselves and watching something illegal means something more serious and deeply concerning so I like to look at their history and how they got to that point. I start off small by advising them to get out more, socialise and interact with others.” Of course, this doesn’t always work for some people as their sexual behaviours can only be helped by them going through serious therapy. Home - Natasha Anderson U Talk About It For more advice and information on sex and relationship therapy.
Dating apps, online relationships, and social anxiety
One of the most common type of SA is Anonymous sex which is “having sex with strangers, possibly at established locations for such encounters or via arrangements online.” In this digital age, online relationships are not as uncommon as they used to be. Since July 2021, there is a total of 10 million people who use dating apps in the Uk. Whilst dating apps were initially created to help people find romance and connections with other singles in their area, however, over the years, dating apps have been used for “casual hook ups”. Because its so easy to arrange a meet up with someone for casual sex, it can become dangerous to those who frequently use dating apps for sex which could potentially lead to them developing compulsive sexual behaviours such as:
-Not being able to stop using the app for sex -Having multiple sexual partners from the app -Dismissing responsibilities due to spending time on the app -Using the app late into the night looking for the next “hook up” partner
These developed behaviours could be a trigger to a bigger issue involving more serious and concerning sex addiction.
A behavioural addiction study was conducted at Ariel University in 2016 to show how online dating is associated with sex addiction and social anxiety. The study included the use of 279 participants (128 males and 151 females) ages 18-38. 40% of the participants were users of online dating sites. The participants completed online questionnaires that measures fear of social situations, a sensation seeking scale, and a sexual addiction screening test. The results of the study showed high ratings of sex addiction among the participants who used dating apps for sex purposes. The study also showed that those with lower social anxiety ratings from the questionnaire had low ratings of sexual addiction. In conclusion, social anxiety is a major factor that impacts SA in this modern age.
What does it really mean to be a sex addict?
“My first therapy session was in 1997 and I went to my first Sex Addicts Anonymous group in 1999”. Chris who requested his full name not to be used is a recovering sex addict who has been batting with his addiction for 2 decades. Chris speaks on his own personal experiences as well as other members of the group during his time as a recovering addict. When asked about what the earliest stages of sex addiction is Chris took a long breath before replying with “Its different for everyone but it starts to become an addiction when you’re no longer able to control yourself or your need for sex is prioritised before everything else”. Chris has become one of the organisers for Sex Addicts Anonymous in Birmingham they hold meetings twice a week, hoping to help and advice others that are battling this addiction. The SAA organiser reveals that he was sceptical about joining a group to help with his addiction at first when his therapist suggested it “I felt that going to a 12-step programme was the final stage of accepting that I was in fact addicted to sex. But after my first few sessions I realised that I couldn’t get better with just therapy alone, I needed the programme too.” After many years in recovery Chris continues attending and hosting SAA groups as it is something that has been a significant part of his recovery journey “I still attend these sessions because in some way I still need them, they have helped me with my addiction, and I wouldn’t be where I am right now without them”.
Anyone struggling with porn, masturbation or sex addiction can start steps into recovery by visiting:
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