I attempted to take myself out on a date

And no it wasn't as empowering as i thought it was going to be.

Being a single woman in my 20s I read a lot on self care, self love and just about everything to do with independence. Almost every article mentions the importance of "taking yourself out on a date" and how liberating it can be, so I decided to take myself out on a mini coffee date( I don't even like coffee that much). But I did manage to get my main character moment for 5 minutes.

The coffee shop was busy on the Friday morning that I went, so me taking up a whole table for one small cup of coffee felt a bit awkward. I could feel the employees gazes on me as it to say that I should finish up quickly so they can use the table for people that actually want to spend money there. So to look like I'm an important person, I took my laptop out to fit in with everybody else in the shop even though I had nothing to do on the laptop.

I was waiting for the feeling of freedom and empowerment to kick in but instead all I got was social anxiety. It shouldn't actually be a difficult task to take yourself out on a well deserved date but all the anxiety makes it so that you can't enjoy yourself. I constantly kept thinking about what other people in the shop thought about me. Maybe they thought I was a loner with no friends, or even someone going through heartbreak even though I know I'm not either of those things I still felt as though I was being judged. When I'm reality I don't think anyone actually paid any attention to me.

After reading Louise Jensen's article on how to deal with feeling judged: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/7-realizations-to-help-you-deal-with-feeling-judged/

I came to the realisation that no one cares about how you are or what you're doing because everyone is busy with their own lives and dealing with their own issues to think about what someone else is doing. So me say by myself in a busy coffee shop on a Friday morning meant nothing to the people around me.

Whilst this was a failed attempt at taking myself out, I plan to try it again until I feel that empowerment and freedom feeling I'm always reading about.